Michigan Daily editors do it all. In addition to being students with full course loads, they roll up their sleeves to consume media and write. For the entertainment of our loyal readership — and to celebrate a holiday that one editor called a musical march — the Michigan Daily has revitalized and revamped “Baked, Buzzed, Bored.” In the interests of journalism, three or more writers sacrifice their health and more than 3 hours of their lives to watch a TV show or movie while intoxicated. (“cooked”), drunk (“buzzed”) or sober (“bored”). This item has been slightly modified to maintain the authenticity of the piece.
Content Warning: Mentions of Animal Abuse, Sexually Explicit Language
In oven A
Before the movie, we all write sentences to compare handwriting. Buzzed B insults someone’s Ts.
“I don’t believe in doctors. Wait, not this way. – Buzzé A
Talking about the ethics of getting stuck in Paris.
Everyone is obsessed with Buzzed A’s cat. He’s pretty adorable.
Good boba is a must for bubble tea. I really want bubble tea.
Ranking now sandwich places but the movie started yay
Why is this framing happening. What’s wrong with the British day school.
Looks like the gym teacher will tell you to roll over and cough.
This is Dumbledore??? no wait for the guy from Jurassic park.
Where is God? Where is the religion? It’s in Russian now.
These subtitles are automatically translated from Russian and they are horrible
I used to watch this on VHS and now I see it for the first time in the best way.
COAT IN MULTIPLE COLORS
Why does this frame Jacob and Sons so much
Donny Osmand is the favorite for obvious reasons.
But what about children! She must have done Donny Osmand’s hair up!
Kids make me really uncomfortable in their color correct costumes
Male harmony man. Was that a fucking joke?
We got to the guys and dolls part, huh. Why is the narrator’s sex dancing with these brothers??
It’s edutainment. Biblical, they beat him and threw him in a well. And sold to camels
THEY KILLED A GOAT FOR THE PLEASURE OF NOT BEING KOSHER.
Another Angel in Heaven seems to come from Kentucky.
The man fights a goat and the goat wins. Ten four good buddy.
Bored A continues to play with the cat. Boo.
It is a feast in Canaan. Hell.
It’s so energetic and it’s tiring.
The Adams family of the New York Yankees? What’s going on. These mummies are like mugging and retouching Joseph.
They sexualize this biblical figure. How old is Joseph???
He got knocked down ANOTHER well what shit.
Alc Emy
It’s like a pharaoh’s hair as if it had extensions.
“Mario and Luigi in parallel…I don’t know.” – buzzed B
He wants to sing so loudly and for so long that he can find his family.
“Come on, come on, Joseph. Where is God? – Buzzé B
Always want bubble tea.
“You could say she was on her knees” – me
How do the bee and Baker get into Joseph’s cell?? Where did he go? It’s a disco!! Jetsons Nightclub
Thruple with God? The gay agenda?
The narrator is too present. No recap, no plot.
PBS after school special vibes
When can we ask Phoebe Bridgers to cover one of these songs?
Pharrellvis
ALW needs to learn how to cut songs. They are all incredibly long. It could be two minutes but it’s an eternity
Pajamas just rhymed with farmer and I’m crazy about it.
Why he has amazing women’s armbands and no shirt.
Wedgies by everyone
A WAP shoe
Why are you telling the homeless to kill!!
What is this vaguely dancing Spanish Russian dancer.
It’s Maureen tango but Egyptian.
The dog skeletons were a choice and a half
Precede Into the Woods and have a narrator interact?
So much of her comes out of this screen.
Benjamin had. He went to spread Jesus on the stairs.
It was an episode of joy.
Why this Caribbean calypso music? For a song “it’s not me”
It’s surprisingly homoerotic and sexual. Very progressive times.
Did they kiss and reconcile? There is dancing. Did Joseph do anything? There hasn’t been a technicolor dream coat in ages
Jacob back female dogs.
Did Joseph become Pharaoh? When did he join? Is the narrator a mother?
I will forget like all these songs as soon as they are finished. Slim.
JEWISH STAR GUYS. WE GOT RECOGNITION.
Buzzed A
had Chardonnay. wasn’t the brand Josh never trusted Josh
everyone tries to show who they recognize in other movies, just like my parents
10/10 cat bread
Is this sequel or prequel to Jesus
I am not a bible. I don’t know what’s going on
it looks like shit
Why is Hillary Clinton in this
it’s so dumb
my cat is OBSESSED with boredom A.
is it a dreamcoat or a raincoat
I don’t know what’s going on.
what is the bible? Is it a prerequisite
Bored A is playing with my cat again
gender bending? Apparently
talk about how to cut the nails of our pets
square dance out of nowhere
gimp costumes? I thought it was the Bible
Joseph falling with an acceleration of -9.8 m/s^2
me and Joseph have the same curl pattern
Joseph has such a big forehead oh my god.
little Debbie is in it??
they have horse therapy in new jersey?
joe bidden
almost liza minelli
symbolic or representation
so confused
I still don’t know what’s going on
Buzzed B
we went on a 7/11 and no Thai racing. Thank God. Was swinging in the mid non-Thai area.
Bored and Buzzed I want subtitles. The subtitles are really off and people keep commenting on it. They are now.
The scene in the desert looks like a miffy background. Is her wig real or not? Bored and I believe it’s teal due to hair fall. You can’t fake this stuff. unless…. no.
The Joseph actor reminds me of Jim Carrey. Maybe I’m not used to seeing expressive men.
Joseph’s brothers have just gutted a goat. Alert trigger: animal abuse.
Bored A plays with the cat. Not bored enough. sober. Raised on life.
Lots of shapes and squares. The guy from Frankenstein (pontus) is pretty good at singing. Three out of five fish along.
The queen of Egypt has a harem that all wears nipple pasties. Oh no. He undresses him. “None of Joseph’s verbal questions indicated any consent” – Bored B.
^ if true.
How many fingers could fit on Joseph’s forehead. I feel like many could. At least 6.
People sing on TV but I’m too engrossed in Baked A’s memories of growing up in a weird school district.
The movie ended and I didn’t realize it. I’m confused. I wish it was longer.
Bored A
I have to admit – I’m going to drink a beer during this whole thing. I won’t get drunk! a beer won’t get me there, I promise.
this note was written about an hour ago. we went for snacks and sat around talking shit. the movie finally begins.
the narrator always makes me cringe so hard. I do not know what it is. so many eyebrows acting from her.
DONNY OSMOND!!! he is not ugly ngl
I literally grew up watching this. had it on dvd. I literally know all the words. I’m doing all the “ahhh” with the kids in this opening number.
a true pioneer of color blind molding.
this lipstick does NOTHING for the narrator.
the brothers were right to throw joseph into the well. narcissistic ass
this film is literally camp. i’ve said it before and i stand by it: andrew lloyd webber comes closest to nailing camp of any straight man
buzzed b tries to explain the bible to buzzed a
I was bored (HA) and decided to play with buzzed a’s cat. He is perfect
the choreography of this show is so good
kitty is lazy
young donny osmond a little good anyway !!!
THE BUTLER IS LITERALLY EDWARD OF THE CROWN
I feel like these notes might indicate I’m drunk. swear to god i’m not.
fatphobia yuck
the drunks chant “KISS KISS KISS” to the chef and joseph
I just filled out the payslip instead of watching the movie. literally hilarious to think that I’m somehow going to make money doing this.
this actor shoots a justin trudeau going through elvis who made his career shooting the vocal justin trudeau
this costume is NOT suitable for children
FRANCOPHOBIA
“You know water is food, right?” — bored b
get tired
Bored B
I don’t rock with the font on these intro credits.
It’s Kris Kringle!?
I’m not convinced that anyone has correctly identified an actor.
My school assemblies weren’t like that
Is he supposed to be their age
I don’t know if I like it… the narrator makes me feel uncomfortable.
Joseph does not know humility
Is there any unsung dialogue in there?
Someone call Lassie, Joseph is in the well!
The children seem devastated about this.
I can’t follow this vibe at all.
It’s anxiety
I really hope that Joseph is of age
Why does he have an abacus
None of Joseph’s verbal cues indicated consent
Joseph knows no humility pt 2
I assumed this movie was about a kid with a cool coat, and it’s not
The kids in the audience like it more than me
Imagine growing up after playing with one of these kids
I’m running out of thoughts
Pharaoh has a nasty wedgie
It’s a phallic microphone
The scene has changed and the people are dressed
This corn has GMOs for sure
This has the nightman cometh vibes
I’m surprised there wasn’t an explicit sex scene
